The uncertainties a mother faces.
Story
My name is Michelle, Im a small business owner and a mother of 2 young adults Laekin who is 28 and Logan who is 25, both College graduates who are ambitious, compassionate and adaptable people. I felt my role as a mother was the best thing that I would ever do in my life until January 25th 2025. At 12:39am I got a call that my son was invovled in a shooting. Logan my baby, shot himself. Why- my son, did I fail as a mother.. What on earth. I cant even begin to tell you how surreal. My mind raced in the next few seconds in which seemed like years, just fumbling to put clothes on in order to drive 45 mins to the hospital. Seeing my son lying lifeless on a gurney made my heart beat so hard I thought it would explode. This is beyond the most indescribable feeling. A lose of everything you thought, think, was or is. Mental health is real, suicide is real. Learning and understanding about these things breaks your heart.
As a mother I wanted to give my children everything that I didn’t have, as we all do. I came from a very broken home and family with no support. I married young and was my home and children’s primary care giver. After almost 10 years of seperation and having a functioning disfunctional dynamic, I was granted a divorce. My ex immediately remarried none other than my best friend. Life throws some curve balls.
Ive always been a positive, optimistic person who tries to see the best in people and things. Ive had many hard lessons in my 54 years, Im just not sure what this one is. During my separation I went back to school at 43- trying to find myself. I decided to become an Esthetician and Nail technician. I worked for a few salons saved some money up and decided to try it on my own. This wasn’t easy but my kids were finishing college and I felt that I could jump that hurdle. So I opened my little studio Barely Essential in the Strip, 7 years ago. I have met a lot of wonderful people including ones just passing through Pittsburgh. I’ve gained some really great clients who have become friends as well. I worked hard to get where I am even with set backs like covid. I felt my efforts were finally settling. This time.. Im not so sure that I can recover. Another curve ball.
Today it’s been almost 4 months since the initial incident. My life has changed dramatically. My baby survived with less than a 10% chance. Logan is a fighter like me, his will to live was among the medical staff at Mercy along with a lot of prayers, crystal energy and healing hearts of family and friends. Surviving the initial trauma was just the beginning, Logan has a tramatic brain injury he is also diagnosed as a tetraplegic. Ive been helping Logan work on relearning everything and anything that his brain will allow. It’ll be a process that has already taught me that being in control and having a lack of patience will not work.
My life as I knew it is gone. Although I do try to go in to work a few hours a week its not enough to maintain rent, a mortgage, car payments etc. Unfortunately I need to give some things up. I am at the hospital 8-10 hours a day helping logan become a new version of himself. His father comes every day before work for a couple of hours, and Logans sister is here as often as work and travel to Pittsburgh will allow. He also has visits from family and friends maintaining a good support system. My children had such a close relationship, theres just no words the pain I feel for my daughter as well. The pain of her having to face the things that she is seeing. When she’s here, my son lights up though. She’s the first to get him to smile. There’s just something about these two siblings. I love them so much and would give or do anything to go back to that Friday.
In the first 4 weeks at Mercy Logan survived not only surgery from a GSW in which his cranium was removed to allow the swelling of his brain to go down, he also survived double pneumonia, mersa, a secondary infection in his lungs and throat, and sepsis. After that month Mercy felt my son was no longer in need of hospital level care so they moved him to an Ltach in West Virginia. He was there for about a week before they brought him back to Mercy under emergent care for a brain bleed. We have remained at Mercy since week 6 through today of this nightmare.
Help is another story. Currently Logan has exceeded the amount of rehab that insurance will pay for at Mercy Although Logan recently emerged from his coma hes still full assist and needs so much care. Mercy is telling us that is time to try and place Logan. I want so badly to bring my son home. Incredibly where I live happens to be out of jurisdiction to a lot of rehab workers that travel. It’s unbelievable, I need help with Logan, I am one person. He needs specific rehabs for neuro issues as well as learning to be mobile if at all possible. We need things that insurance wont cover like a wheel chair, a hoyer lift, ramps, a shower chair, a shower that we have to install to get a wheelchair into, a wheel chair vehicle to travel him to rehabs that won’t come here, help around the clock because hes 24 hours full assist rehabs that aren’t covered under insurances because hes exceeded his limit to which they are willing to pay. Sadly medicaid denied him and because Im applying to be his gaurdian by law I can not be what’s called a waiver (which is the person who can be paid a small wage to help take care of logan) the things you learn. I have no choice here Logan is my son. Mercy feels that Logans place is at home my biggest concern with this is that they sent out referrals within a 200 mile radius and not one place said that they could take Logan. How do they expect me to care for my son if a skilled facility is saying that they cant. The thoughts of him being mistreated or not cared for in a certain manor unerves me. I will continue do for my son as I have been daily to carry on with his progress and this fight looking for resources of any kind. I have been very fortunate to have been in touch with some great people who have directed me, however Logan needs to be at home in order to receive the help from those specific resources. You can’t even begin to know how difficult this is as a mother navigating unknown territories with no direction. I worry about Logans state of mind, he is 25 and has a tramatic brain injury one of the worse you could possibly have but hes in there. Logan will require a lot of care. Sadly insurances won’t pay. There’s even co pays on rehab and rooms in a nursing home. Im also learning that time is limited if logan doesn’t progress to the insurances base line of functioning hes cut off. Insane because theres days hes in so much pain from the posturing and muscle spasms that he just cant. I’m positive life, even with its curves, has a positive outcome for us. It hurts my soul to have to even ask for help of this magnitude. Please find it in your hearts to help me help Logan. I need him to be happy with himself as a survivor. He’s ment to be here, we need to get him better to figure out his purpose. I need help with so much, I feel so overwhelmed with the unknown. My children are my life and I would do anything to help them inspite of what I need to sacrifice, please help me!
Organizers :
Michelle OHara is organizing this fundraiser.